Whenever a family experiences a major event there is always a need for
support systems. Knowing where and who are a part of each system is
just as important as the system itself! Anything from the birth of a
child, a major surgery, cancer, a disability or a death, all life events
need a support system.
Emotional and Mental
Emotional and Mental support while raising a family that has any kind of disability is also important. I was unsure as to how I should approach this post because emotionally and mentally, my hardest struggles were within the last few years rather than at the beginning of our journey. It was much easier at the beginning of our experience to understand that others don't understand. Ten years later I find myself impatient with those who know, have been given the opportunity to understand who I have reached out to and they refuse or just don't get what I am communicating. It is this that I currently struggle the most with. I sometimes ask God.. "will it take old age and hearing loss for the ones I love to finally understand?" And sadly that may be the case.
Hearing loss has affects on everyone who knows the individual. It affects how they communicate, it affects how they interact, it affects how they socialize or how the are perceived by another. We have all heard the saying "what others think of you is non of your business." I have a love/hate relationship with this quote. I love it because I am not responsible to make others like or understand me, yet because my hearing loss is a communication disorder, I am responsible to make sure that some things are understood. Where to draw the line in each situation is always different.
Emotional support should come from those who truly love you. If we go looking for support in places is does not reside we become disappointed. I have fallen on this lot in a bad way in my past. I looked for support from individuals who would not or simply could not support me. I became bitter, resentful, and hurt by what I perceived as their lack of love for me and my family. This is when I learned that others show love in different ways. They receive love in different ways too.
The 5 love languages.
I receive love from my family differently than from my husbands family. Dynamics play a roll in how we perceive people. Experiences with that person play a roll in how we understand them. I could receive a gift from one person and know that they truly love me but get a gift from another person and see it as a quick " I showed you I cared now leave me alone" gesture. Knowing how to love someone takes a lot of understanding. It takes time and it takes a lot of talking it out with the other person. We can hate what people do, but still love them. Even though they may not know the affects their words or actions have on us. It is up to us to be Christlike to the best of our abilities. We are the best judge of self. We know if we have done everything we can to communicate and show love to those around us.
Knowing the five love languages is important for marriages, and it is different for mother daughter relationships vs. mother son relationships as it is different for friend to friend relationships. Know the love languages for those around you. Ask them.. get to know them. But also know that they change and when you feel the shift, regroup, recalculate and adjust as necessary.
I have learned that love and emotional abuse can become grey. Knowing when actions and words are loving or when they become abusive is knowledge I wish I knew when I was younger.
Individuals need to be mentally stable and happy to progress. This is not an overnight event, this is not a "get over it " event. This is not a "I think you have resentment" event. When we are experiencing something we need to educate ourselves for ourselves but also be open-minded to what others are going through. I want to first share a talk that I think is amazing. It helps keep the perspective we need. The talk is Latter-day Saints keep on trying.
The other thing I want to talk about is abuse. Individuals who have a disability tend to become a victim of abuse or bullying until they recognize it and correct their responses, their views and their behaviour patterns with other individuals. I say this knowing that those who are abusive mentally or emotionally may not even know that their words or actions are abusive. There is a wonder website called http://outofthefog.net/ It teaches us about personality disorders and traits. These traits are something families who have a person or persons with disability should be familiar with. Some of these traits become learned, adopted, or we have them because we don't know how to do anything different than what we do. After reading and studying I am convinced that everyone has personality disorders in the eyes of another person. But once we have knowledge we have the power to make the changes we need to in our lives to become better.
We have the right to be safe is a website about abuse in children with disabilities. It states:
We know that disabled children are at an increased risk of being
abused compared with their non-disabled peers. They are also less likely
to receive the protection and support they need when they have been
abused.
This report identifies key issues about safeguarding disabled
children. It looks at why disabled children are particularly vulnerable
and considers what we know from research and reviews of service
delivery. It examines the policy context and current state of
safeguarding services in the UK. Finally it sets out what is needed to
improve the protection of disabled children.
Emotional Support systems can come in the form of kowledge, change of ways, habbits, or perspective. Mental support systems can be found in knowledge also, and even psychiatrists.
I have had the opportunity to visit with several psychiatrists over the years. A not so educated individual will mock or make fun of this fact. An educated person will hold regards to the fact that knowledge is power. Knowing your feelings, your mental health and what to do to make it better and are healthy skills for your life. I say skills because we learn to become advocates for ourselves and for those around us.
Bullying is an experience many individuals go through as children. Some of us even experience it as an adult. If you are seeking knowledge on how to help your child due to bullying, abuse, or emotional support or mental happiness. There IS help out there.
First seek those within your physical and spiritual support systems.. resource teachers, schools, public services, advocates who advocate for what it is you are suffering from and Doctors for referrals or help with whatever it is you are seeking.
Second ASK QUESTIONS. Quiz the professionals like nobodies business.
Third.... write it down! I started a blog years and years ago and due to bullying and harassment from someone who felt threatened by my abilities, confidence or presence, I erased it ALL. I gave my power away that day. But I have it back now no worries! Write down what you learn. Keep track of your experience. We have modern day scripture due to this one thing... a prophet somewhere in time.. wrote down their experiences. Which compiled into scripture which changes the lives of people every day.
Physical Support Systems
Whenever a family experiences a major event there is always a need for
support systems. Knowing where and who are a part of each system is
just as important as the system itself! Anything from the birth of a
child, a major surgery, cancer, a disability or a death, all life events
need a support system.
In everyones life you need people to support you. When raising a child you hear the comment that it takes a village to raise a kid. This is true in every aspect. When our kids were little we lived father away from the majority of our family. We had just my dad and an aunt close to us. My dad and step mom worked and so did my aunt not to mention she had grandkids of her own. Often times Jason and I would want to go out on a date even once a month to build on our relationship and it was hard not having physically people who would but couldn't help us because of a geographical difference between us. I worked evenings and weekends to help meet our needs. Coming home at 1 in the morning and getting up at 6 to get our girl out the door to school. It was a hard period/ time in our life. My life! I will forever be in debt to my friend Heather for taking my kids into her home as her own. She took L even though he had diarrhea constantly. She took him while he was potty trainnig, helped with hearing aids and days he was sick and I was in a catch 22 with nobody to lean on. Loss the job by not going in or take care of you kid. You need that job to take care of your kids. This will forever be a battle for moms this day in age. Heather was my physical help when I needed someone, anyone who I trusted. Sadly she was one of less than 3 people I trusted with my kids. I trusted her because she listened, she cared, she learned and she took time to understand my/our situation. I will always love her like a sister!
Physical
Physical Support systems can vary from, sitters, to others with your same experiences, to family, to business and programs. I hope to cover a little of each of these.
Physical Support systems can vary from, sitters, to others with your same experiences, to family, to business and programs. I hope to cover a little of each of these.
Speech. While raising our kids, my husband and I have found support in many many programs. L was in speech therapy, not only did he learn to talk better, I learned to teach and instruct differently. I learned to coach my child rather than correct him. Speech is a vital part in early intervention for children with hearing loss.
Developmental Therapy. While this is a great source of support for families my family did not have any good experiences with developmental therapy.
Early Intervention, Parent child programs. These programs are designed that a family will have a counsellor or representative that will advocate for the families needs. They know the systems of health care and early intervention, they know what red flags are there and when you are being steered differently in the wrong direction. They are experienced individuals that help you to get the help you need before it is too late. Not only that they teach you to be the advocate for your child so that you are able to do for them as they get older. You are able to fight for your childs needs and get the help your family needs.
Occupational Therapy L was diagnosed with sensory integration. This is common among kids who are premie, ADD, ADHD, or have an impairment of one of the senses. I will talk more about this in depth later on; however, occupational therapy was a gift for our house. Learning about sensory and how to help my child changed the atmosphere in our home when he was little. The constant crying and tantrums and upset little boy became a happy playful and excited little boy. Oh I can't wait to explain more about this topic later on!
My dad was another physical support system for us among many other forms of support. He would babysit my kids but it became draining on him so he always kept it to under a certain amount of time. Not many dads will step in and babysit grandkids often, but my dad did! Needing a babysitter wasn't an everyday thing, it was a once every couple of weeks or so thing, but it was still a support system for me.
The last form of physical support I want to talk about is Physically fit. I have always loved running and exercising. But I have always hated getting out the door to do it. Physical exercise is linked to help depression, mental state, happiness, hormone balance and many other aspects of life. No matter what form of exercise is chosen, working the body hard makes us always feel better. We are better capable of handling lives daily demands.
Spiritual Support Systems
Whenever a family experiences a major event there is always a need for support systems. Knowing where and who are a part of each system is just as important as the system itself! Anything from the birth of a child, a major surgery, cancer, a disability or a death, all life events need a support system.
Spiritual
At the top of my list is my spiritual support system! I believe in God. I believe in Christ. And I believe in the comforter, the Holy Ghost. I also believe they are three seperate beings. I also believe in eternal life or life after death. The foundation on which I live my life, make my choices and the source of True happiness comes from this knowledge.
Whatever your belief is... Spiritual support for the soul is vital. Just as our bodies need food, water, shelter and love ( Maslows heiarchy of needs), I believe our spirit or our soul needs food, water, shelter and love.
Food for the soul.. you can often find those words on quotes or pinterest or feel good things like chicken noodle soup! Food for the soul is a world of knowledge that testifies to you the beliefs that you have. Knowledge, affirmations, and validations of your beliefs create a foundation. Something solid on which you stand.
When we go through experiences, or trials in our life we need to seek out the spiritual food our soul needs most. Having a balance within ourselves will help us to carry on with more stability. Now, I said to seek out spiritual food for your soul, this doesn't mean find a quote on pinterest that validates your experience or your thoughts or your feelings ( some of which may be negative.) While we need to validate that we have these thoughts, feelings or experiences, spiritual food will help us to grow. It won't tell us that we are always right. Spiritual food may be exactly what you need in your life, not necessarily what you want.
In otherwords another way to phrase this is seek the "will" of God, rather than our own will. Luke 22:42.
I believe that God knows what is best for us, he knows the wide expansion and future self that we are capable of. Something that will far surpass who we are right now. This expansion isn't something that can be measured in looks, wealth, money or social status, it isn't something that can be measured in "likes" or the amount of friends we have. Wipe all of those expectations and quotas off the slate and list WHO we are. Am I kind, Am I giving, Am I walking in my life the way the Savior did his? When those expectations are measured we are better able to see the "Will of God."
During my experience of being a mom, raising kids, and navigating hearing loss in our family, I have learned that the Spiritual needs in my life far surpass other needs. Therefore I needed a support system. I chose individuals who had the same standards, same goals, same ideas as I had and I held those relationships close. When I fell on hard times, stumbled or struggled it was these individuals whom I confided in for the spiritual support I needed. Often times this was my mother, my stepmom and close friends who held the same standards of living that I did.
I would like to communicate this clearly that your support systems are your choice. Some may feel that they are your support for one area or another but because their goals, ideas and standards do not align well with you or your perspective is different, this can cause a faulty foundation for spiritual support. Spiritual support should not be that someone else is holding you together either. These support systems should enable you, coach you and teach you to do for yourself. The ultimate goal here is to become more self reliant, not completely because we are all human and have needs, but when we falter, we need support coaches and support, not a crutch.
The savior and his example have been an foundation for man kind since the Days he walked the earth. If you walk in a path of uncertainty, or you find yourself doubting or lost, alone or that something is just missing. I want to encourage you to get to know your savior. This can be done through Prayer. Learn to Pray. Learn the steps and how it works. When I was little I use to pray that if God were real he would make the wind blow the trees right now. (Yes I was demanding, I wanted to know.) But prayer works in a different way. I would like to refer you here, for the correct teachings of the patterns, ways, and knowledge of how prayer actually works. Many Many talks have been written about this topic you can find them here.
One of my favorite lessons of Prayer came as I served as a Primary President. It spoke about the patterns found in the Book of Mormon about prayer. The book of mormon is another testimant of Christ. It is followed by many rumors among those who do not believe what I believe. However, I can easily attest that there is opposition in all things.. Those who read it will a willing heart to know if God really was involved in the translation of the Book of Mormon, they will have a personal testimony of the truthfulness as I have of it's teachings.
Prayer is an essential when we speak about Spiritual Support Systems. It is one that has no bias, it has no opinions, it has no difference in experiences when communicating with God. Prayer can be done without having to explain what so and so said and what we feel misunderstandings there are. In order to clearly express ourselves to another and clearly be understood all one needs to do is Pray. This is a source of strength. Patterns of Pray, can be studdied at this link. No matter what spiritual beliefs you have or if you don't believe as I do, these teachings WILL help and you will find the strength you need to face the experiences in your life.
I know that God lives, I have found a foundation that has not been shaken. I have lost my foothold in my own life at times and been able to come back to the knowledge that there is a God and that he knows me personally... time and time again. There are times I feel my foundation was shaken only to realize it was me who has been shaken. The foundation I created in the thigns I know of the gospel were always the same. Constant and never changing.
I am writing this blog and putting it together for my family and my children. It is here to show what I have learned in my experiences, to be a source of strength to them. That they may know what I stood for in word and deed.
Spiritual
At the top of my list is my spiritual support system! I believe in God. I believe in Christ. And I believe in the comforter, the Holy Ghost. I also believe they are three seperate beings. I also believe in eternal life or life after death. The foundation on which I live my life, make my choices and the source of True happiness comes from this knowledge.
Whatever your belief is... Spiritual support for the soul is vital. Just as our bodies need food, water, shelter and love ( Maslows heiarchy of needs), I believe our spirit or our soul needs food, water, shelter and love.
Food for the soul.. you can often find those words on quotes or pinterest or feel good things like chicken noodle soup! Food for the soul is a world of knowledge that testifies to you the beliefs that you have. Knowledge, affirmations, and validations of your beliefs create a foundation. Something solid on which you stand.
When we go through experiences, or trials in our life we need to seek out the spiritual food our soul needs most. Having a balance within ourselves will help us to carry on with more stability. Now, I said to seek out spiritual food for your soul, this doesn't mean find a quote on pinterest that validates your experience or your thoughts or your feelings ( some of which may be negative.) While we need to validate that we have these thoughts, feelings or experiences, spiritual food will help us to grow. It won't tell us that we are always right. Spiritual food may be exactly what you need in your life, not necessarily what you want.
In otherwords another way to phrase this is seek the "will" of God, rather than our own will. Luke 22:42.
I believe that God knows what is best for us, he knows the wide expansion and future self that we are capable of. Something that will far surpass who we are right now. This expansion isn't something that can be measured in looks, wealth, money or social status, it isn't something that can be measured in "likes" or the amount of friends we have. Wipe all of those expectations and quotas off the slate and list WHO we are. Am I kind, Am I giving, Am I walking in my life the way the Savior did his? When those expectations are measured we are better able to see the "Will of God."
During my experience of being a mom, raising kids, and navigating hearing loss in our family, I have learned that the Spiritual needs in my life far surpass other needs. Therefore I needed a support system. I chose individuals who had the same standards, same goals, same ideas as I had and I held those relationships close. When I fell on hard times, stumbled or struggled it was these individuals whom I confided in for the spiritual support I needed. Often times this was my mother, my stepmom and close friends who held the same standards of living that I did.
I would like to communicate this clearly that your support systems are your choice. Some may feel that they are your support for one area or another but because their goals, ideas and standards do not align well with you or your perspective is different, this can cause a faulty foundation for spiritual support. Spiritual support should not be that someone else is holding you together either. These support systems should enable you, coach you and teach you to do for yourself. The ultimate goal here is to become more self reliant, not completely because we are all human and have needs, but when we falter, we need support coaches and support, not a crutch.
The savior and his example have been an foundation for man kind since the Days he walked the earth. If you walk in a path of uncertainty, or you find yourself doubting or lost, alone or that something is just missing. I want to encourage you to get to know your savior. This can be done through Prayer. Learn to Pray. Learn the steps and how it works. When I was little I use to pray that if God were real he would make the wind blow the trees right now. (Yes I was demanding, I wanted to know.) But prayer works in a different way. I would like to refer you here, for the correct teachings of the patterns, ways, and knowledge of how prayer actually works. Many Many talks have been written about this topic you can find them here.
One of my favorite lessons of Prayer came as I served as a Primary President. It spoke about the patterns found in the Book of Mormon about prayer. The book of mormon is another testimant of Christ. It is followed by many rumors among those who do not believe what I believe. However, I can easily attest that there is opposition in all things.. Those who read it will a willing heart to know if God really was involved in the translation of the Book of Mormon, they will have a personal testimony of the truthfulness as I have of it's teachings.
Prayer is an essential when we speak about Spiritual Support Systems. It is one that has no bias, it has no opinions, it has no difference in experiences when communicating with God. Prayer can be done without having to explain what so and so said and what we feel misunderstandings there are. In order to clearly express ourselves to another and clearly be understood all one needs to do is Pray. This is a source of strength. Patterns of Pray, can be studdied at this link. No matter what spiritual beliefs you have or if you don't believe as I do, these teachings WILL help and you will find the strength you need to face the experiences in your life.
I know that God lives, I have found a foundation that has not been shaken. I have lost my foothold in my own life at times and been able to come back to the knowledge that there is a God and that he knows me personally... time and time again. There are times I feel my foundation was shaken only to realize it was me who has been shaken. The foundation I created in the thigns I know of the gospel were always the same. Constant and never changing.
I am writing this blog and putting it together for my family and my children. It is here to show what I have learned in my experiences, to be a source of strength to them. That they may know what I stood for in word and deed.
Types of hearing loss
All information below is credited to the Better hearing Institute.
HEARING LOSS TYPES
Conductive Hearing Loss
Conductive hearing loss is caused by any condition or disease that impedes the conveyance of sound in its mechanical form through the middle ear cavity to the inner ear. A conductive hearing loss can be the result of a blockage in the external ear canal or can be caused by any disorder that unfavorably effects the middle ear's ability to transmit the mechanical energy to the stapes footplate. This results in reduction of one of the physical attributes of sound called intensity (loudness), so the energy reaching the inner ear is lower or less intense than that in the original stimulus. Therefore, more energy is needed for the individual with a conductive hearing loss to hear sound, but once it's loud enough and the mechanical impediment is overcome, that ear works in a normal way. Generally, the cause of conductive hearing loss can be identified and treated resulting in a complete or partial improvement in hearing. Following the completion of medical treatment for cause of the conductive hearing loss, hearing aids are effective in correcting the remaining hearing loss.
The audiometric profile that indicates a conductive hearing loss is the presence of air-bone gaps (better hearing by bone conduction than by air conduction), excellent word recognition at a comfortable listening level, and evidence of a middle ear dysfunction on immittance. For situations where a blockage is noted in the external ear canal, hearing testing is deferred until the canal is cleared.
Sensorineural Hearing Loss
The second type of hearing loss is called sensorineural hearing loss. This word can be divided into its two components - sensory and neural - to allow us more clarity in specifying the type of hearing loss. The comprehensive audiometric assessment and supplemental tests can yield the information needed to differentiate between a sensory and a neural hearing loss, although they can co-exist in the same ear. Neural hearing loss is another name for retrocochlear hearing loss.
Sensorineural hearing loss results from inner ear or auditory nerve dysfunction. The sensory component may be from damage to the organ of Corti or an inability of the hair cells to stimulate the nerves of hearing or a metabolic problem in the fluids of the inner ear. The neural or retrocochlear component can be the result of severe damage to the organ of Corti that causes the nerves of hearing to degenerate or it can be an inability of the hearing nerves themselves to convey neurochemical information through the central auditory pathways.
The reason for sensorineural hearing loss sometimes cannot be determined, it does not typically respond favorably to medical treatment, and it is typically described as an irreversible, permanent condition. Like conductive hearing loss, sensorineural hearing loss reduces the intensity of sound, but it might also introduce an element of distortion into what is heard resulting in sounds being unclear even when they are loud enough. Once any medically treatable conditions have been ruled out, the treatment for sensorineural hearing loss is amplification through hearing aids.
Mixed Hearing Loss
A mixed hearing loss can be thought of as a sensorineural hearing loss with a conductive component overlaying all or part of the audiometric range tested. So, in addition to some irreversible hearing loss caused by an inner ear or auditory nerve disorder, there is also a dysfunction of the middle ear mechanism that makes the hearing worse than the sensorineural loss alone. The conductive component may be amenable to medical treatment and reversal of the associated hearing loss, but the sensorineural component will most likely be permanent. Hearing aids can be beneficial for persons with a mixed hearing loss, but caution must be exercised by the hearing care professional and patient if the conductive component is due to an active ear infection.
Extra's
I quickly found my footing as a mother with a hard of hearing child. I wasn't wearing hearing aids myself at the time. I found this inner strength that I was assigned by God to do something different and unique with my life. I wouldn't be raising this child in the normal sense. I had extra's to attend to. I had to make sure his hearing aids were cared for and protected. This was easy when he was little. At the time it didn't seem so. Nursing him was sometimes a nightmare! L would spit milk at me to be playfu and when he smiled with a mouth full of milk it would dribble down the side of his face and straight to his ear. This quickly became a problem because Hearing aids CANNOT get wet. They were incredibly expensive ranging from 1500 basic to 8000 a piece. We bought the basic. When you are making barely enough to meet your basic needs these expences become a great stress in life. The hearing aids could not get wet. We made dr. appointments and were able to get some rubber sleeves or condom like covers for his hearing aids. This also helped because as soon as L could locate his ear with his hand he would pull his Hearing aids out and they would go straight in his mouth.
I began to notice at this time that L would only nurse on one side. I felt like a lopsided cow!
He had a tight AC muscle in his neck that only allowed him to turn his head from center to one side. I was so concentrated on getting his hearing aids on so he could hear language and learn it during the first year that I didn't notice it. I didn't notice it for several months. I was busy changing diapers, doing dishes and laundry, nursing and playtime with K. But when I finally noticed we got into a Chyropractor and my sweet sister in law who is a massag therapist showed me how to massage it and stretch it. Over time he gained mobility to turn his head to the other side.
The stress of keeping his hearing aids on became overwhelming at times. His Dr. would tell me it is vital that he had them on all day. But L would cry a lot as I mentioned earlier. I was on constant watch mode to make sure he wasn't chewing on them. I learned to nurse him in different positions though! Taking his hearing aids off and on at each nursing became a hassle because they would get lost in couch cushions, or knocked around the room in the shuffle of pillows or blankets or little girl toys. My stress level that first year was higher than I had ever felt in my life. I had this everconstant list of EXTRA'S to remember!
* rub the ac muscle so he can nurse
* keep the aids on
*don't get the aids wet
* check the batteries make sure they were working
* check the kid nonstop make sure he isn't eating the hearing aids
* don't put the aids in your pocket you will be too tired when you get home to remember them... they will get washed in the washing machine
* etc. etc. etc.
I quickly found myself feeling like superwoman but I also found myslef grieving for the time I had before. I didn't have so many EXTRA'S with K . I worried about that quality time. Was she getting the attention and focus she needed. L was on constant watch.. but what about my K girl? When trying to confide in others my worries it became apparent that many people did not have a clue what I was experiencing. Not even my mother. My hearin loss was found when I was 4 and my older brother was 8. She hadn't experienced these early days with babies and toddlers with hearing aids. When I packed a diaper bag I had all the normal necessities, plus a container in case the aids needed to be taken out, cleaning supplies, batteries, extra covers... etc. etc. etc.
The emotions and balance of duties, and responsibilities each day could just about drive a person crazy. My mothering experience was different than anyone else I knew. I felt alone.
The Savior tends to know what we need and he prepares us for it. I look back on these early days as I type and realize that he knew exactly what I needed. He gave me a mother. He didn't give me just one mother who had raised hard of hearing children herself and knew the pain I was going through like nobody else in my life. He gave me 3 mothers.
My mother... she was my emotional support during those early days. I would call and cry and cry and cry. I would explain what so and so said and how it would make me feel. I would drill her on how to best handle certain circumstances. Why didn't they understand? How could I help them to understand our situation. My mother was the one who stuck with me for years on end. She reassured me of my strengths. She refocused my energy on my abilities to be a good mom. She helped us pay for those first set of hearing aids even though I knew at the time I was a sacrafice for her. My mother, little did I know then, would be my greatest strength in raising a family with hard of hearing . She understood my fears of how well would L talk when he got older. She understood my anger as I grieved some of my experiences. She understood my strength when I went my own way instead of taking the advise of everyone else. She was a solid rock for me to lean on.
My Step mom... she was the friend I didn't know I had! Our friendship grew year after year. She always reminded me of my ability to make good decisions and stand as an example for others to follow. She knew my desires and eternal goals more than most. She was the rock to lean on when I needed more women than just my mom. I needed an army of women in my life during those early years! I alway felt strong but my strength came from these two women.
My mother in law... she was the one who thought differently and had different experiences. She never raised a hard of hearing child and didn't understand the intimate details of our experience. She taught me that there are different perspectives in life. There are different ways of showing love to someone. She taught me to take time for myslef. She taught me to can food and grow a garden. She taught me to be a good housekeeper. And the things she taught me were by her example. I am thankful that she is my mother in law. I feel God gives you the people you need in your life. Some because you need them for support and some because you need a different perspective and I am thankful for her. I love all my mothers dearly.
I have a firm testimony that the trials and tribulations we go through in life, in relationships, in work and in our families will serve us to help us become exaulted beings. I look back at my life and see blessings now where I saw road blocks then. The saviors involvement in our life is meticulous. It is planned and organized. It is calculated and percise. If we stay close to the church we have NOTHING to fear. Even though our trials are unique to us or we feel that our trials carry EXTRA'S, the Lord will counter act those EXTRA'S with blessings in abundance. But we must first do our part by following him! We must not give up when we feel our lot is hard, our load in too heavy because just as we reach that point, he teaches and he blesses us.
I began to notice at this time that L would only nurse on one side. I felt like a lopsided cow!
He had a tight AC muscle in his neck that only allowed him to turn his head from center to one side. I was so concentrated on getting his hearing aids on so he could hear language and learn it during the first year that I didn't notice it. I didn't notice it for several months. I was busy changing diapers, doing dishes and laundry, nursing and playtime with K. But when I finally noticed we got into a Chyropractor and my sweet sister in law who is a massag therapist showed me how to massage it and stretch it. Over time he gained mobility to turn his head to the other side.
The stress of keeping his hearing aids on became overwhelming at times. His Dr. would tell me it is vital that he had them on all day. But L would cry a lot as I mentioned earlier. I was on constant watch mode to make sure he wasn't chewing on them. I learned to nurse him in different positions though! Taking his hearing aids off and on at each nursing became a hassle because they would get lost in couch cushions, or knocked around the room in the shuffle of pillows or blankets or little girl toys. My stress level that first year was higher than I had ever felt in my life. I had this everconstant list of EXTRA'S to remember!
* rub the ac muscle so he can nurse
* keep the aids on
*don't get the aids wet
* check the batteries make sure they were working
* check the kid nonstop make sure he isn't eating the hearing aids
* don't put the aids in your pocket you will be too tired when you get home to remember them... they will get washed in the washing machine
* etc. etc. etc.
I quickly found myself feeling like superwoman but I also found myslef grieving for the time I had before. I didn't have so many EXTRA'S with K . I worried about that quality time. Was she getting the attention and focus she needed. L was on constant watch.. but what about my K girl? When trying to confide in others my worries it became apparent that many people did not have a clue what I was experiencing. Not even my mother. My hearin loss was found when I was 4 and my older brother was 8. She hadn't experienced these early days with babies and toddlers with hearing aids. When I packed a diaper bag I had all the normal necessities, plus a container in case the aids needed to be taken out, cleaning supplies, batteries, extra covers... etc. etc. etc.
The emotions and balance of duties, and responsibilities each day could just about drive a person crazy. My mothering experience was different than anyone else I knew. I felt alone.
The Savior tends to know what we need and he prepares us for it. I look back on these early days as I type and realize that he knew exactly what I needed. He gave me a mother. He didn't give me just one mother who had raised hard of hearing children herself and knew the pain I was going through like nobody else in my life. He gave me 3 mothers.
My mother... she was my emotional support during those early days. I would call and cry and cry and cry. I would explain what so and so said and how it would make me feel. I would drill her on how to best handle certain circumstances. Why didn't they understand? How could I help them to understand our situation. My mother was the one who stuck with me for years on end. She reassured me of my strengths. She refocused my energy on my abilities to be a good mom. She helped us pay for those first set of hearing aids even though I knew at the time I was a sacrafice for her. My mother, little did I know then, would be my greatest strength in raising a family with hard of hearing . She understood my fears of how well would L talk when he got older. She understood my anger as I grieved some of my experiences. She understood my strength when I went my own way instead of taking the advise of everyone else. She was a solid rock for me to lean on.
My Step mom... she was the friend I didn't know I had! Our friendship grew year after year. She always reminded me of my ability to make good decisions and stand as an example for others to follow. She knew my desires and eternal goals more than most. She was the rock to lean on when I needed more women than just my mom. I needed an army of women in my life during those early years! I alway felt strong but my strength came from these two women.
My mother in law... she was the one who thought differently and had different experiences. She never raised a hard of hearing child and didn't understand the intimate details of our experience. She taught me that there are different perspectives in life. There are different ways of showing love to someone. She taught me to take time for myslef. She taught me to can food and grow a garden. She taught me to be a good housekeeper. And the things she taught me were by her example. I am thankful that she is my mother in law. I feel God gives you the people you need in your life. Some because you need them for support and some because you need a different perspective and I am thankful for her. I love all my mothers dearly.
What do you hear?
We took L to get his first hearing aids at 6 weeks old. He was so tiny and still hadn't put on a whole lot of chunck. He still carried that newborn look about him! As he sat there in his car seat I couldn't help but feel helpless.
I know I know, when some people read this they will say. "whats the big deal... aren't they just like getting glasses?"
My response to that is. No... they are not. Get educated if you want to understand what reallly goes on for those with hearing loss.
Hearing aids change the way the brain has always heard sounds... or lack of. When you put them on the brain does not know how to handle all that noise. It goes into overdrive to compensate, filter and block out noises it doesn't know where to file it away or weather to alert the brain to thoses new noises so it sends everything as important!!!!
For those with normal hearing levels lets imagine sitting in a restaurant having a conversation with a friend. You chat casually, you may notice a loud family next you with kids.. you might even feel a bit annoyed that their volume is at a level that you are not comfortable with. I say (you are not comfortable) because it bothers or comes to attention to you. But you do your best to focus on your friend and it becomes tolerable.
Your brain will filter that louder noise into a file away from those things you are focusing on. It "filters the background noise." And you are able to go about your business untill.... this families child drops something. Then you notice the sounds are louder, and it has caught your attention. Maybe it was a glass cup or silverware etc.Whatever it was your brain had a threshold and alerted you to a louder noise. It brought a response. Maybe loud enough to startle you?
L got his hearing aids put on that day and was startled a lot. He even cried several times. When we put his hearing aids in he started hearing noises he had never heard his brain didn't know how to respond.
He would easily startle when doors were shut, when his sister laughed out loud hard.. when the vacuum would turn on. He would cry insessantly in the car. I remember his car rides would normally take 20-30 minutes and it would take me more than an hour because he would be so upset I would think he would choke or pass out in his car seat so I would have to stop and console him.
L cried so much I thought something was wrong. I had my associates degree and knew a little more about medical things than some my age. I knew about reflux and hernias. I had him checked we tried reflux meds. Nothing helped. He would start crying from about 4 in the evening until he would fall asleep after 10 or eleven. If there was something anyone did to console their baby... I had tried it!! I did the dietary changes for colic. I did the hernia and reflux appointments with the Dr. I did baths, massage therapy, we did car rides and swings, we did rice packs and tummy sleeping. Yes I put him to sleep on his stomace even with all the SIDS info. I didn't sleep because he didn't sleep. And I worried a lot. I read a lot. I listened to a lot of people and I asked for a lot of advise.
He didn't grow out of this crying stage until he was about 11 months old. It slowly got better. But I didn't go anywhere out of fear of his crying episodes.
Even with all of this going on I never knew if the hearing aids were at the right volume... where they adjusted too loud. Was this causing him to startle and be scared. Were his ears hurting because of the noise? Was it too loud? I would take his hearing aids out just to test it when we drove in the car and found out that it wasn't the hearing aids... he would still cry. Finding a balance between when his brain was on overload or weather it was food, gastric, or comfort related was an ever constant war within my mommy abilities.
I remember sitting in a rocking chair at my in laws house while he cried and cried and cried. Everyone went about their regular routeine. They hung out in the other room chatting and having fun and I sat with a crying baby. I remember begging my husband to take him because I was so overdone I didn't want to break. I didn't want to loose my control as a mother.
Back to my story about the restaurant. When hearing aids are placed on a hard of hearing person it becomes overload. That feeling of startle when you look to see what the child next your table dropped. Or what the loud noise was coming from. That is the mindset of those with hearing loss for a large majority of the time they are wearing hearing aid devices. Their mind is on constant vigilance. Focusing to figure what noises need to be filtered. The thing is.. it can't filter the way a normal hearing person can. A hard of hearing persons brain will not be able to cope instantly like eyes adjust to glasses. Their brain will do as it was trained to do. It will startle their nervous system. It will allert them to every "new" and unreconized noise.
A hard of hearing person will constantly be redirected or their attention will be brought to noises that a regular hearing person doesn't even recognize they are hearing. If you ask a hearing individual if they can hear the wind blowing outside the window they will be able to "recall" this experience and say yes. For those with Hearing loss... they will most likely stop what they are doing to find the source of the new noise. It is not something their brain can file away. They have little power to filter their background noise.
For hard of hearing people.. Putting hearing aids on is like turning up the volume to the tv just loud enough you want to turn it down. Just loud enough it causes a neurological or emotional response within the body... At the same time carrying a conversation with that one friend who's voice is just out of your ablilty hear everything they are saying... not to mention a major storm might be going on outside. And .... to add to all this... you have to carry another conversation with a person on the phone.
For hard of hearing people... their brain is playing a puzzle game all day long. It is taking what it hears and then trying to fill in the blanks for what it isn't. It becomes tiring, it becomes frustrating. There are many articles that talk about mental health for the hard of hearing individuals and I am a big advocate for mental health. When I put my hearing aids on I have to spend some time adjusting to them in the morning. If my children are having a rough morning, it can be aggrivating because the volume sets my nervous system on edge. The noises are outside my comfort zone. I will hear the heater or AC turn on in my house. I might hear the sound of the brush going through my hair, the water running in the sink..I often find myself looking for sources of noise while I am driving. I often think there is something wrong with my car because it has a new sound.
I made a list of things I do not hear on a regular basis without my hearing aids.
Running water in the sink, or bathrooms ( this has sometimes been a disaster.)
The wind
The birds
Rain, Hale or windy stormes outside
I don't hear bugs, grass hoppers or crickets
I don't hear cars until they are within a cars distance away from me.
I don't hear people who are out of my eyesight if they are speaking to me at 5 feet or more away.
I don't hear clothing as it rubs together
I don't hear the noise my blinker makes when I'm in my car
I don't hear the chime when you leave the ignition on but the car is not running
I don't hear the tires on the pavement going through the neighborhood
I don't hear cell phone noises or many noises for that matter outside of the same room I am in.
I don't hear door bells
I don't hear the little noises my kids made as babies unless I was holding them or had them close to me.
I didn't hear them breathing as babies unless I had my hearing aids on..
I don't hear the click of light switches
Or the noise your toothbrush makes.
I am often distracted by noise because there are things I didn't realizea even made noise...Like static in the laundry. I always felt it or saw it but never heard it.
I never knew how loud the toys were my children own.
I don't hear the trains at night that go past our neighborhood
I don't hear the t.v. at normal levels.
I don't hear people when their backs are turned or they are in another room.
I can't hear my children in the night when they call for me. This has been a hard one. But we cope! Jason has become my ears at times and I help him to see details he doesn't notice!
Sedation and hearing test
L was 4 weeks old when we did the sleeping hearing test. In those four weeks. We realized this little guy was a thousand times more sensitive to life than our other child. Or any of my friends kids. He cried NON STOP. He cried for hours at night. I carried a lot of anxiety in those days. Worrying about getting to appointments with a newborn and a 2 year old. Planning, preaparing and packing before we went anywhere.
The amount of time it takes mothers with newborns to get out of the house is something of a miracle if you ask me. You shower, nurse, meet needs of your other children. Change clothes because you are thrown up on... get lunch because by then everone is hungry.. etc, etc, etc. We all know the drill. Once you ARE ready to go out the door someone poops or throws up. Colic is an easy way to teach patience. ( I lack patience in every letter of the word!)
My daughter stayed with family... because I have the worlds best family.
I get to the hospital and L is starving. He had to be somewhat fasting or at least hungry when we got there so they could slip him an oral sedative med that would help him sleep and hold still for the test.
Have you ever declined to feed a newborn? Oh heaven have mercy! My heart was cracking and my nerves were on overdrive. Not to mention I had soaked my nursing pads well beyond their compassity by the time we got through our 30 minute drive. (Which he cried in the entire way!) I was wearing his dinner on the front of my clothes. (Social humility.) I would do it again in a heart beat!
Once asleep our dr. whom we will call Jensen. Jensen hooked up the electrodes across L head and put baby earplugs into his ears that were attached to wires going into a machine. Small babies and wires and machines. Everyone who's anyone knows someone who's experienced that! I waited patiently.
As i waited I couldn't help but recall the memories of my childhood. I was the gir with the hearing aids. Hearing aids in the 80's were very much frowned upon by childhood peers. I had a lot of friends. I didn't get verbally bullied much. Yes it happened but not much. It was the exclusion that I felt the most of. People who would turn the other way, shy away from talking to me. Kids who would stare at the goliath like devices protruding form my ears. For elderly people we call that ear hair.. but for me...? I always missed out on jokes. I was the one not laughing. I was the one who missed a tone and didn't hear how funny a comment was so I wasn't smiling. I was always staring trying to read lips. Trying to catch up. In my brain every other word was missing sounds and I was constantly playing puzzles with the info I heard and trying to make sense or guess on the things I didn't hear.
What would life be like for my boy? For my sweet husband and I. Or his sister for that matter? Would this test say he was deaf? We knew that wasn't the case. We had clapped while he was sleeping.. wispered in his ear and always got a response. But there were times he should have responded and he didn't. What would the severity of this test tell us?
It would tell us our future.
I waited patiently. Somewhere within me a beast was awakened during these early weeks of diagnosis. I became an advocate. I became a protector. I became an expert on as much info as I could lay my hands on. I became bold and strong and steadfast. But deep within everyone has fears and those fears are sometimes what others feed off of. Our strength to stand up can be intimidating. I was embarking on an experience nobody withing my family, or extended family would ever understand. EXCEPT for my mother. She understood. She held my heart together. She raised two children with hearing loss and she held me together in those early weeks. She has always held me together. I felt like a glass globe. Hard and unruffled on the outside, but see through and vulnerable on the inside.
The test was finished and Jensen talked to us. We found out that his hearing loss was moderate and we would get more specific detail as he grew older and was able to respond to tests better. We then ordered our first set of hearing aids for our 4 week old boy.
We went home and we processed our new path, our new reality. We grieved as one would grieve the death of a loved one. But our grieving has never stopped. Having a disability has a large impact on an individual emotionally.
I look back now as I write about our little family. I wonder.. What got us through those early days and years? I know the main source of strength came from my beliefs. We believe in the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We know our lives will be filled with trials but we are also taught how to deal with adversity. Having gone through some hard times as a kid myself I believe I was better prepared for the trials I was experiencing and had yet to experience!
Having a firm foundation of principles to live by and a TRUE belief system with a support group are key to success in life. Some believe money, social status, job status, or simply looks are where they may find their footing. But as I have gotten older I have seen cycles in life. Not any ONE particular person but a cycle of principles. When lifes foundation is center around Christ and the Atonement, happiness can be found in the most unimaginable circumstances.
Many people wonder "how do they do it" as they look upon another person and their circumstances. Some are forced to cope, some are taught to cope, and some are just surviving day to day. The early days of dealing with a child with hearing loss were a blend of coping skills. I owe all the success in raising my children and for the current state of my life to my Savior. It was because of him that we didnt give up! It is because of him that our marriage has become stronger over the years. It is because of the Atonement I have been able to turn the other cheek time and time again. It is because of his Atonement that I am able to face myslef with a smile in the mornings and put all my energy and heart into each day ! Raising strong children who are well rounded with a firm foundation. That is my hearts desire!
I look back now as I write about our little family. I wonder.. What got us through those early days and years? I know the main source of strength came from my beliefs. We believe in the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We know our lives will be filled with trials but we are also taught how to deal with adversity. Having gone through some hard times as a kid myself I believe I was better prepared for the trials I was experiencing and had yet to experience!
Having a firm foundation of principles to live by and a TRUE belief system with a support group are key to success in life. Some believe money, social status, job status, or simply looks are where they may find their footing. But as I have gotten older I have seen cycles in life. Not any ONE particular person but a cycle of principles. When lifes foundation is center around Christ and the Atonement, happiness can be found in the most unimaginable circumstances.
Many people wonder "how do they do it" as they look upon another person and their circumstances. Some are forced to cope, some are taught to cope, and some are just surviving day to day. The early days of dealing with a child with hearing loss were a blend of coping skills. I owe all the success in raising my children and for the current state of my life to my Savior. It was because of him that we didnt give up! It is because of him that our marriage has become stronger over the years. It is because of the Atonement I have been able to turn the other cheek time and time again. It is because of his Atonement that I am able to face myslef with a smile in the mornings and put all my energy and heart into each day ! Raising strong children who are well rounded with a firm foundation. That is my hearts desire!
A change in plans
March 2005
Jason and I were living in Preston Idaho while he worked at a local plant. He was making 13.00 an hour and we thought we were doing great to be holding it all together. I was a stay at home mom to our 2 1/2 year old daughter K. She kept me busy coloring, playing dolls, we cooked, we cleaned, and she was the little mini me around the house. She has a zest for life, a spunk and hard headed "I will do it myself" Personality! She would fall asleep every morning watching Winnie the Pooh. We were on WIC assistance and Jason helped his dad at the farm every night after work where we earned an additional 200 a month. It was hard to realize it was only a little over a dollar an hour, but he was happy spending time with his dad and our needs were being met.
I was pregnant with our second child who we knew was a boy. Apon finding out he was a boy I had my own confirmation and spiritual experience that "everything would be all right." During this pregnancy I had feelings of uncertainty. Glimpses of something coming. He would not move a lot in utero and he didn't respond with the zest and flare that my daughter did. She was an acrobat within for the entire 9 months. This little guy was oh so calm, peaceful and just there. I wondered at times if something was wrong. I remember asking my husband if he felt something was different but how could he.. I was the one pregnant.
Our family is active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We believe in modern day revelation, prophets, and personal revelation. The experiences I was having I felt were that of personal revelations. They scared me. But there was this overwhelming feeling of peace at the same time. When I had found out that I was pregnant months before. I was laying on my bed taking some time to myself reading and contemplating life. I knew I was pregnant before the pregnancy test was even possible. While I was resting I had what some would call a day dream. I saw an old lady in a mid calf dress, It was something you would see in the early 1900's or so I imagined. She was mid heigth and had short hair that was aged. Her face was clear as day.. But what I noticed was her clothing and her actions. I imagined her standing in the doorway of my room and she had on a white apron that was smooth and tied around her waist. It fraimed the skirt perfectly and she was wiping her glasses with this apron. And I had the impression that she told me. "Everything is going to be ok. Don't you worry." And that was the end of my experience. It hit me so hard, so deep within that I told my husband about it.
A few days or weeks later I was with my mother looking through old family photo's and in her book was this old lady. The picture jumped out at me in my mind so much so that it startled me. I stopped my mom quickly and said "Who's that?" And she said that it was her moms, mom. Grandma Lettie. I told her of my experience and she went to her room and pulled out these old glasses. They were the exact glasses I had seen weeks before. And that is when I knew that I was going to experience something within my little family. Not just me, Not just this baby but all of us. My little girl would be just as much a part of this experience as the rest of us.
The day I was due to have him I was scheduled for induction. My body didn't go into labor with my first child. She cooked for 42 weeks! This little boy was scheduled a day after my due date. We arived and were placed in a delivery room. The normal procedures are being set up, my Pitocin and other necessities. With my daughter I was 30 hours in and with this little guy he was only 4 hours from the time my water broke to the time he arrived!
He wasn't a screamer like his big sister. She came into the world and wanted everyone to know what she had just been through! He came into the world, peed on the dr, and then just looked around a lot. He squeeked and cried a little bit but nothing like his sister her lung compasity! He looked healthy. The delivery was so easy I told my husband "I could go through that again tomorrow. What a difference in deliveries."
Oh he was handsome he had surfer dude hair. His tips were blond and his roots were darker! He lit up the faces of all the nurses and they would hold him up to show the Dr's who would walk past the nursery.
As always, we got the results of the hearing test and the nurse casually said, "He didn't pass his hearing test but no worries.. he could have fluid in his ears so come back in 2 weeks and we will check again!" I went home with the realization that I may have passed on a nasty gene. I felt guilt, I felt fear, and I felt the answer to all those uneasy and off feelings during pregnancy were all a part of this.
At home our family and friends would come and go as they visited us with our newborn baby. Some would be suportive and ask questions and give encouragement. Some would validate our feelings. Some would put us down for our fears , or so if felt. I like to think it was their of encouraging us. And some didn't even show up at all.
Our little family, our marriage in it's early stages... how could we keep it all together with this new information? Those were nervous, and soul searching weeks. I remember praying a lot. Not quite ready to cry because it wasn't for sure. I wasn't entitled to grieve just yet... but I felt it.. I felt I was expected to carry on as normal and not mention it because it was probably just fluid.. but I feared it. I was his mother, I had my mothers instincts... I KNEW.
Two weeks later we showed up again to the hospital. This time the nurse had a pale and timid look as she told us he didn't pass again and was refering us to the Logan Audiologist.
Jason and I were living in Preston Idaho while he worked at a local plant. He was making 13.00 an hour and we thought we were doing great to be holding it all together. I was a stay at home mom to our 2 1/2 year old daughter K. She kept me busy coloring, playing dolls, we cooked, we cleaned, and she was the little mini me around the house. She has a zest for life, a spunk and hard headed "I will do it myself" Personality! She would fall asleep every morning watching Winnie the Pooh. We were on WIC assistance and Jason helped his dad at the farm every night after work where we earned an additional 200 a month. It was hard to realize it was only a little over a dollar an hour, but he was happy spending time with his dad and our needs were being met.
I was pregnant with our second child who we knew was a boy. Apon finding out he was a boy I had my own confirmation and spiritual experience that "everything would be all right." During this pregnancy I had feelings of uncertainty. Glimpses of something coming. He would not move a lot in utero and he didn't respond with the zest and flare that my daughter did. She was an acrobat within for the entire 9 months. This little guy was oh so calm, peaceful and just there. I wondered at times if something was wrong. I remember asking my husband if he felt something was different but how could he.. I was the one pregnant.
A few days or weeks later I was with my mother looking through old family photo's and in her book was this old lady. The picture jumped out at me in my mind so much so that it startled me. I stopped my mom quickly and said "Who's that?" And she said that it was her moms, mom. Grandma Lettie. I told her of my experience and she went to her room and pulled out these old glasses. They were the exact glasses I had seen weeks before. And that is when I knew that I was going to experience something within my little family. Not just me, Not just this baby but all of us. My little girl would be just as much a part of this experience as the rest of us.
The day I was due to have him I was scheduled for induction. My body didn't go into labor with my first child. She cooked for 42 weeks! This little boy was scheduled a day after my due date. We arived and were placed in a delivery room. The normal procedures are being set up, my Pitocin and other necessities. With my daughter I was 30 hours in and with this little guy he was only 4 hours from the time my water broke to the time he arrived!
He wasn't a screamer like his big sister. She came into the world and wanted everyone to know what she had just been through! He came into the world, peed on the dr, and then just looked around a lot. He squeeked and cried a little bit but nothing like his sister her lung compasity! He looked healthy. The delivery was so easy I told my husband "I could go through that again tomorrow. What a difference in deliveries."
Oh he was handsome he had surfer dude hair. His tips were blond and his roots were darker! He lit up the faces of all the nurses and they would hold him up to show the Dr's who would walk past the nursery.
As always, we got the results of the hearing test and the nurse casually said, "He didn't pass his hearing test but no worries.. he could have fluid in his ears so come back in 2 weeks and we will check again!" I went home with the realization that I may have passed on a nasty gene. I felt guilt, I felt fear, and I felt the answer to all those uneasy and off feelings during pregnancy were all a part of this.
At home our family and friends would come and go as they visited us with our newborn baby. Some would be suportive and ask questions and give encouragement. Some would validate our feelings. Some would put us down for our fears , or so if felt. I like to think it was their of encouraging us. And some didn't even show up at all.
Our little family, our marriage in it's early stages... how could we keep it all together with this new information? Those were nervous, and soul searching weeks. I remember praying a lot. Not quite ready to cry because it wasn't for sure. I wasn't entitled to grieve just yet... but I felt it.. I felt I was expected to carry on as normal and not mention it because it was probably just fluid.. but I feared it. I was his mother, I had my mothers instincts... I KNEW.
Two weeks later we showed up again to the hospital. This time the nurse had a pale and timid look as she told us he didn't pass again and was refering us to the Logan Audiologist.
When hearing loss hits home
I became a mother in January 2003. It was on my list of best days of my life! I don't think I could choose between the day I was married, the day I went through the temple and the birth of my children. So instead I made a list of the "BEST DAYS" of my life!
My little girl was born! Little did we know she would be the only girl so far among 7 boys on my husbands side of the family! She was a red headed firecracker straight out of the womb! She screamed and hollered to let the world know she was here! FINALLY! She was 2 weeks overdue and in prego mommy time that's like eternity!
K melted my heart from the beginning. She nestled into my soul like a long lost friend! She was that female companion that I knew in the life before this one! She was my new world.
I didn't wear hearing aids from 6th grade clear until I had my second child. I quickly learned as time went by that I was missing things. I would miss her sighs. I would miss her little noises in the night. I would miss that sweet little burp and vocalization that she would feel better. I hear some of this and so I didn't realize that I was missing. I had no idea until baby number 2 came along.
K passed her hearing test and there were no thoughts of hearing loss. I didn't even think mine was genetic. I didn't think of the possibility of passing it on to my kids. My ignorance or lack of understanding at the time was a sweet and blissful state.
When you have just yourself to worry about you don't worry about your influence! You have yourself to account to. But as you have children that all changes.
Little did I know, her personality ( a firecracker in a little body) was exactly what our family would need in the years to come. I read this article once and I keep it on my facebook page to refer to. I want to put a snippet because I think it tells just about why we had this sweet girl first.
M E R I D I A NM A G A Z I N E
Who Are These Children?
By Larry Barkdull
Do we really believe that a long line of spirits waits to be shuffled into families like a dealer dealing cards? Do children simply happen into families by a cosmic roll of the dice? If Heavenly Father’s house is a house of order, if God organizes all the stars in heaven to follow precise orbits so that they might stand “for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and for years,”i if He forms every creation to exist delicately in a balanced ecosystem, if by design He places all truth and intelligence into specified spheres so that they might act for themselvesii —why would God leave the placement of his children to chance?
Of course, He does not. Countless ages of premortal obedience and righteous living determine our children’s mortal placement, which, beyond every other consideration, is meant to reward them and to magnify their opportunity to advance toward exaltation. Even the difficulties they experience can serve to save and exalt them.iii
Elder Neal A. Maxwell declared that the youth of Zion are living here and now by assignment. “These are your days!” he said. “You are in this time and circumstance by Divine appointment. God knows you and he knows what you have the capacity to achieve.”.......we might better endure the challenges by remembering who they really are and why God has strategically placed them in our family.
I was given a blessing once that indicated I would have special children sent to me from heaven to raise and instruct in the ways of the Lord.
These children are sent to our family for a reason. And many have told me that this little red head would lead and guide our other children. In the last decade this article has been proven and that blessing has burned its phrase into my mind clear as day. The word "special" does not mean handicapt or "OH that kid is special" unquote. Special means that they were held away and kept for a special season. And that season is going on now.. in my home! It is a glorious experience that I will forever cherish!
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