Emotional and Menal Support Systems

Whenever a family experiences a major event there is always a need for support systems.  Knowing where and who are a part of each system is just as important as the system itself!  Anything from the birth of a child, a major surgery, cancer, a disability or a death, all life events need a support system.

Emotional and Mental
Emotional and  Mental support while raising a family that has any kind of disability is also important.  I was unsure as to how I should approach this post because emotionally and mentally, my hardest struggles were within the last few years rather than at the beginning of our journey.  It was much easier at the beginning of our experience to understand that others don't understand.  Ten years later I find myself impatient with those who know, have been given the opportunity to understand who I have reached out to and they refuse or just don't get what I am communicating.  It is this that I currently struggle the most with.  I sometimes ask God.. "will it take old age and hearing loss for the ones I love to finally understand?"  And sadly that may be the case. 


Hearing loss has affects on everyone who knows the individual.  It affects how they communicate, it affects how they interact, it affects how they socialize or how the are perceived by another.  We have all heard the saying "what others think of you is  non of your business."  I have a love/hate relationship with this quote.  I love it because I am not responsible to make others like or understand me, yet because my hearing loss is a communication disorder, I am responsible to make sure that some things are understood.  Where to draw the line in each situation is always different.

Emotional support should come from those who truly love you.  If we go looking for support in places is does not reside we become disappointed.  I have fallen on this lot in a bad way in my past.  I looked for support from individuals who would not or simply could not support me.  I became bitter, resentful, and hurt by what I perceived as their lack of love for me and my family.  This is when I learned that others show love in different ways.  They receive love in different ways too. 

The 5 love languages.

I receive love from my family differently than from my husbands family.  Dynamics play a roll in how we perceive people.  Experiences with that person play a roll in how we understand them.  I could receive a gift from one person and know that they truly love me but get a gift from another person and see it as a quick " I showed you I cared now leave me alone" gesture.  Knowing how to love someone takes a lot of understanding.  It takes time and it takes a lot of talking it out with the other person.  We can hate what people do, but still love them.  Even though they may not know the affects their words or actions have on us.  It is up to us to be Christlike to the best of our abilities.   We are the best judge of self.  We know if we have done everything we can to communicate and show love to those around us. 

Knowing the five love languages is important for marriages, and it is different for mother daughter relationships vs. mother son relationships as it is different for friend to friend relationships.  Know the love languages for those around you.  Ask them.. get to know them.  But also know that they change and when you feel the shift, regroup, recalculate and adjust as necessary.

I have learned that love and emotional abuse can become grey.  Knowing when actions and words are loving or when they become abusive is knowledge I wish I knew when I was younger. 

Individuals need to be mentally stable and happy to progress.  This is not an overnight event, this is not a "get over it " event.  This is not a "I think you have resentment" event.  When we are experiencing something we need to educate ourselves for ourselves but also be open-minded to what others are going through.  I want to first share a talk that I think is amazing.  It helps keep the perspective we need.  The talk is Latter-day Saints keep on trying.

The other thing I want to talk about is abuse.  Individuals who have a disability tend to become a victim of abuse or bullying until they recognize it and correct their responses, their views and their behaviour patterns with other individuals.  I say this knowing that those who are abusive mentally or emotionally may not even know that their words or actions are abusive.  There is a wonder website called  http://outofthefog.net/   It teaches us about personality disorders and traits.  These traits are something families who have a person or persons with disability should be familiar with. Some of these traits become learned, adopted, or we have them because we don't know how to do anything different than what we do.  After reading and studying I am convinced that everyone has personality disorders in the eyes of another person.  But once we have knowledge we have the power to make the changes we need to in our lives to become better. 

We have the right to be safe is a website about abuse in children with disabilities.  It states:
We know that disabled children are at an increased risk of being abused compared with their non-disabled peers. They are also less likely to receive the protection and support they need when they have been abused.
This report identifies key issues about safeguarding disabled children. It looks at why disabled children are particularly vulnerable and considers what we know from research and reviews of service delivery. It examines the policy context and current state of safeguarding services in the UK. Finally it sets out what is needed to improve the protection of disabled children.

Emotional Support systems can come in the form of kowledge, change of ways, habbits, or perspective. Mental support systems can be found in knowledge also, and even psychiatrists.

 I have had the opportunity to visit with several psychiatrists over the years.  A not so educated individual will mock or make fun of this fact.  An educated person will hold regards to the fact that knowledge is power.  Knowing your feelings, your mental health and what to do to make it better and are healthy skills for your life.   I say skills because we learn to become advocates for ourselves and for those around us. 

Bullying is an experience many individuals go through as children.  Some of us even experience it as an adult. If you are seeking knowledge on how to help your child due to bullying, abuse, or emotional support or mental happiness.  There IS help out there. 

First seek those within your physical and spiritual support systems.. resource teachers, schools, public services, advocates who advocate for what it is you are suffering from and Doctors for referrals or help with whatever it is you are seeking. 

Second ASK QUESTIONS.  Quiz the professionals like nobodies business. 

Third.... write it down!  I started a blog years and years ago and due to bullying and harassment from someone who felt threatened by my abilities, confidence or presence, I erased it ALL.  I gave my power away that day.  But I have it back now no worries!  Write down what you learn.  Keep track of your experience.  We have modern day scripture due to this one thing...  a prophet somewhere in time.. wrote down their experiences.  Which compiled into scripture which changes the lives of people every day.