Emotional and Menal Support Systems

Whenever a family experiences a major event there is always a need for support systems.  Knowing where and who are a part of each system is just as important as the system itself!  Anything from the birth of a child, a major surgery, cancer, a disability or a death, all life events need a support system.

Emotional and Mental
Emotional and  Mental support while raising a family that has any kind of disability is also important.  I was unsure as to how I should approach this post because emotionally and mentally, my hardest struggles were within the last few years rather than at the beginning of our journey.  It was much easier at the beginning of our experience to understand that others don't understand.  Ten years later I find myself impatient with those who know, have been given the opportunity to understand who I have reached out to and they refuse or just don't get what I am communicating.  It is this that I currently struggle the most with.  I sometimes ask God.. "will it take old age and hearing loss for the ones I love to finally understand?"  And sadly that may be the case. 


Hearing loss has affects on everyone who knows the individual.  It affects how they communicate, it affects how they interact, it affects how they socialize or how the are perceived by another.  We have all heard the saying "what others think of you is  non of your business."  I have a love/hate relationship with this quote.  I love it because I am not responsible to make others like or understand me, yet because my hearing loss is a communication disorder, I am responsible to make sure that some things are understood.  Where to draw the line in each situation is always different.

Emotional support should come from those who truly love you.  If we go looking for support in places is does not reside we become disappointed.  I have fallen on this lot in a bad way in my past.  I looked for support from individuals who would not or simply could not support me.  I became bitter, resentful, and hurt by what I perceived as their lack of love for me and my family.  This is when I learned that others show love in different ways.  They receive love in different ways too. 

The 5 love languages.

I receive love from my family differently than from my husbands family.  Dynamics play a roll in how we perceive people.  Experiences with that person play a roll in how we understand them.  I could receive a gift from one person and know that they truly love me but get a gift from another person and see it as a quick " I showed you I cared now leave me alone" gesture.  Knowing how to love someone takes a lot of understanding.  It takes time and it takes a lot of talking it out with the other person.  We can hate what people do, but still love them.  Even though they may not know the affects their words or actions have on us.  It is up to us to be Christlike to the best of our abilities.   We are the best judge of self.  We know if we have done everything we can to communicate and show love to those around us. 

Knowing the five love languages is important for marriages, and it is different for mother daughter relationships vs. mother son relationships as it is different for friend to friend relationships.  Know the love languages for those around you.  Ask them.. get to know them.  But also know that they change and when you feel the shift, regroup, recalculate and adjust as necessary.

I have learned that love and emotional abuse can become grey.  Knowing when actions and words are loving or when they become abusive is knowledge I wish I knew when I was younger. 

Individuals need to be mentally stable and happy to progress.  This is not an overnight event, this is not a "get over it " event.  This is not a "I think you have resentment" event.  When we are experiencing something we need to educate ourselves for ourselves but also be open-minded to what others are going through.  I want to first share a talk that I think is amazing.  It helps keep the perspective we need.  The talk is Latter-day Saints keep on trying.

The other thing I want to talk about is abuse.  Individuals who have a disability tend to become a victim of abuse or bullying until they recognize it and correct their responses, their views and their behaviour patterns with other individuals.  I say this knowing that those who are abusive mentally or emotionally may not even know that their words or actions are abusive.  There is a wonder website called  http://outofthefog.net/   It teaches us about personality disorders and traits.  These traits are something families who have a person or persons with disability should be familiar with. Some of these traits become learned, adopted, or we have them because we don't know how to do anything different than what we do.  After reading and studying I am convinced that everyone has personality disorders in the eyes of another person.  But once we have knowledge we have the power to make the changes we need to in our lives to become better. 

We have the right to be safe is a website about abuse in children with disabilities.  It states:
We know that disabled children are at an increased risk of being abused compared with their non-disabled peers. They are also less likely to receive the protection and support they need when they have been abused.
This report identifies key issues about safeguarding disabled children. It looks at why disabled children are particularly vulnerable and considers what we know from research and reviews of service delivery. It examines the policy context and current state of safeguarding services in the UK. Finally it sets out what is needed to improve the protection of disabled children.

Emotional Support systems can come in the form of kowledge, change of ways, habbits, or perspective. Mental support systems can be found in knowledge also, and even psychiatrists.

 I have had the opportunity to visit with several psychiatrists over the years.  A not so educated individual will mock or make fun of this fact.  An educated person will hold regards to the fact that knowledge is power.  Knowing your feelings, your mental health and what to do to make it better and are healthy skills for your life.   I say skills because we learn to become advocates for ourselves and for those around us. 

Bullying is an experience many individuals go through as children.  Some of us even experience it as an adult. If you are seeking knowledge on how to help your child due to bullying, abuse, or emotional support or mental happiness.  There IS help out there. 

First seek those within your physical and spiritual support systems.. resource teachers, schools, public services, advocates who advocate for what it is you are suffering from and Doctors for referrals or help with whatever it is you are seeking. 

Second ASK QUESTIONS.  Quiz the professionals like nobodies business. 

Third.... write it down!  I started a blog years and years ago and due to bullying and harassment from someone who felt threatened by my abilities, confidence or presence, I erased it ALL.  I gave my power away that day.  But I have it back now no worries!  Write down what you learn.  Keep track of your experience.  We have modern day scripture due to this one thing...  a prophet somewhere in time.. wrote down their experiences.  Which compiled into scripture which changes the lives of people every day.

Physical Support Systems

Whenever a family experiences a major event there is always a need for support systems.  Knowing where and who are a part of each system is just as important as the system itself!  Anything from the birth of a child, a major surgery, cancer, a disability or a death, all life events need a support system.

Physical
Physical Support systems can vary from, sitters, to others with your same experiences, to family, to business and programs.  I hope to cover a little of each of these.

Speech.  While raising our kids, my husband and I have found support in many many programs.  L was in speech therapy, not only did he learn to talk better, I learned to teach and instruct differently.  I learned to coach my child rather than correct him.  Speech is a vital part in early intervention for children with hearing loss. 

Developmental Therapy.  While this is a great source of support for families my family did not have any good experiences with developmental therapy.

Early Intervention, Parent child programs.  These programs are designed that a family will have a counsellor or representative that will advocate for the families needs.  They know the systems of health care and early intervention, they know what red flags are there and when you are being steered differently in the wrong direction.  They are experienced individuals that help you to get the help you need before it is too late.  Not only that they teach you to be the advocate for your child so that you are able to do for them as they get older.  You are able to fight for your childs needs and get the help your family needs.

Occupational Therapy  L was diagnosed with sensory integration.  This is common among kids who are premie, ADD, ADHD, or have an impairment of one of the senses.  I will talk more about this in depth later on; however, occupational therapy was a gift for our house.  Learning about sensory and how to help my child changed the atmosphere in our home when he was little.  The constant crying and tantrums and upset little boy became a happy playful and excited little boy.  Oh I can't wait to explain more about this topic later on!

In everyones life you need people to support you.  When raising a child you hear the comment that it takes a village to raise a kid.  This is true in every aspect.  When our kids were little we lived father away from the majority of our family.  We had just my dad and an aunt close to us.  My dad and step mom worked and so did my aunt not to mention she had grandkids of her own.    Often times Jason and I would want to go out on a date even once a month to build on our relationship and it was hard not having physically people who would but couldn't help us because of a geographical difference between us.  I worked evenings and weekends to help meet our needs.  Coming home at 1 in the morning and getting up at 6 to get our girl out the door to school.  It was a hard period/ time in our life. My life!  I will forever be in debt to my friend Heather for taking my kids into her home as her own.  She took L even though he had diarrhea constantly.  She took him while he was potty trainnig, helped with hearing aids and days he was sick and I was in a catch 22 with nobody to lean on.  Loss the job by not going in or take care of you kid.  You need that job to take care of your kids.  This will forever be a battle for moms this day in age.  Heather was my physical help when I needed someone, anyone who I trusted.  Sadly she was one of less than 3 people I trusted with my kids.  I trusted her because she listened, she cared, she learned and she took time to understand my/our situation.  I will always love her like a sister!

My dad was another physical support system for us among many other forms of support.  He would babysit my kids but it became draining on him so he always kept it to under a certain amount of time.  Not many dads will step in and babysit grandkids often, but my dad did!  Needing a babysitter wasn't an everyday thing, it was a once every couple of weeks or so thing, but it was still a support system for me.

The last form of physical support I want to talk about is Physically fit.  I have always loved running and exercising.  But I have always hated getting out the door to do it.  Physical exercise is linked to help depression, mental state, happiness, hormone balance and many other aspects of life.  No matter what form of exercise is chosen, working the body hard makes us always feel better.  We are better capable of handling lives daily demands.

Spiritual Support Systems

Whenever a family experiences a major event there is always a need for support systems.  Knowing where and who are a part of each system is just as important as the system itself!  Anything from the birth of a child, a major surgery, cancer, a disability or a death, all life events need a support system. 


Spiritual
 At the top of my list is my spiritual support system!  I believe in God.  I believe in Christ.  And I believe in the comforter, the Holy Ghost.  I also believe they are three seperate beings.  I also believe in eternal life or life after death.  The foundation on which I live my life, make my choices and the source of True happiness comes from this knowledge. 

Whatever your belief is... Spiritual support for the soul is vital.  Just as our bodies need food, water, shelter and love ( Maslows heiarchy of needs), I believe our spirit or our soul needs food, water, shelter and love.

Food for the soul.. you can often find those words on quotes or pinterest or feel good things like chicken noodle soup!  Food for the soul is a world of knowledge that testifies to you the beliefs that you have.  Knowledge, affirmations, and validations of your beliefs create a foundation.  Something solid on which you stand. 

When we go through experiences, or trials in our life we need to seek out the spiritual food our soul needs most.  Having a balance within ourselves will help us to carry on with more stability.  Now, I said to seek out spiritual food for your soul, this doesn't mean find a quote on pinterest that validates your experience or your thoughts or your feelings ( some of which may be negative.)  While we need to validate that we have these thoughts, feelings or experiences, spiritual food will help us to grow.  It won't tell us that we are always right.  Spiritual food may be exactly what you need in your life, not necessarily what you want.

In otherwords another way to phrase this is seek the "will" of God, rather than our own will.  Luke 22:42.

I believe that God knows what is best for us, he knows the wide expansion and future self that we are capable of.  Something that will far surpass who we are right now.  This expansion isn't something that can be measured in looks, wealth, money or social status, it isn't something that can be measured in "likes" or the amount of friends we have.  Wipe all of those expectations and quotas off the slate and list WHO we are.  Am I kind, Am I giving, Am I walking in my life the way the Savior did his?  When those expectations are measured we are better able to see the "Will of God."

During my experience of being a mom, raising kids, and navigating hearing loss in our family, I have learned that the Spiritual needs in my life far surpass other needs.  Therefore I needed a support system.  I chose individuals who had the same standards, same goals, same ideas as I had and I held those relationships close.  When I fell on hard times, stumbled or struggled it was these individuals whom I confided in for the spiritual support I needed.  Often times this was my mother, my stepmom and close friends who held the same standards of living that I did.

I would like to communicate this clearly that your support systems are your choice.  Some may feel that they are your support for one area or another but because their goals, ideas and standards do not align well with you or your perspective is different, this can cause a faulty foundation for spiritual support.  Spiritual support should not be that someone else is holding you together either. These support systems should enable you, coach you and teach you to do for yourself.  The ultimate goal here is to become more self reliant, not completely because we are all human and have needs, but when we falter, we need support coaches and support, not a crutch.

The savior and his example have been an foundation for man kind since the Days he walked the earth.  If you walk in a path of uncertainty, or you find yourself doubting or lost, alone or that something is just missing.  I want to encourage you to get to know your savior.  This can be done through Prayer.  Learn to Pray.  Learn the steps and how it works.  When I was little I use to pray that if God were real he would make the wind blow the trees right now.  (Yes I was demanding, I wanted to know.)  But prayer works in a different way.  I would like to refer you here, for the correct teachings of the patterns, ways, and knowledge of how prayer actually works.  Many Many talks have been written about this topic you can find them here.

One of my favorite lessons of Prayer came as I served as a Primary President.  It spoke about the patterns found in the Book of Mormon about prayer.  The book of mormon is another testimant of Christ.  It is followed by many rumors among those who do not believe what I believe.  However, I can easily attest that there is opposition in all things..  Those who read it will a willing heart to know if God really was involved in the translation of the Book of Mormon, they will have a personal testimony of the truthfulness as I have of it's teachings. 

Prayer is an essential when we speak about Spiritual Support Systems.  It is one that has no bias, it has no opinions, it has no difference in experiences when communicating with God.  Prayer can be done without having to explain what so and so said and what we feel misunderstandings there are.  In order to clearly express ourselves to another and clearly be understood all one needs to do is Pray.  This is a source of strength.  Patterns of Pray, can be studdied at this link.  No matter what spiritual beliefs you have or if you don't believe as I do, these teachings WILL help and you will find the strength you need to face the experiences in your life.

I know that God lives, I have found a foundation that has not been shaken.  I have lost my foothold in my own life at times and been able to come back to the knowledge that there is a God and that he knows me personally... time and time again.  There are times I feel my foundation was shaken only to realize it was me who has been shaken.  The foundation I created in the thigns I know of the gospel were always the same.  Constant and never changing.

 I am writing this blog and putting it together for my family and my children.  It is here to show what I have learned in my experiences, to be a source of strength to them.  That they may know what I stood for in word and deed. 

Types of hearing loss

All information  below is credited to the Better hearing Institute.

HEARING LOSS TYPES

Conductive Hearing Loss

Conductive hearing loss is caused by any condition or disease that impedes the conveyance of sound in its mechanical form through the middle ear cavity to the inner ear. A conductive hearing loss can be the result of a blockage in the external ear canal or can be caused by any disorder that unfavorably effects the middle ear's ability to transmit the mechanical energy to the stapes footplate. This results in reduction of one of the physical attributes of sound called intensity (loudness), so the energy reaching the inner ear is lower or less intense than that in the original stimulus. Therefore, more energy is needed for the individual with a conductive hearing loss to hear sound, but once it's loud enough and the mechanical impediment is overcome, that ear works in a normal way. Generally, the cause of conductive hearing loss can be identified and treated resulting in a complete or partial improvement in hearing. Following the completion of medical treatment for cause of the conductive hearing loss, hearing aids are effective in correcting the remaining hearing loss.

The audiometric profile that indicates a conductive hearing loss is the presence of air-bone gaps (better hearing by bone conduction than by air conduction), excellent word recognition at a comfortable listening level, and evidence of a middle ear dysfunction on immittance. For situations where a blockage is noted in the external ear canal, hearing testing is deferred until the canal is cleared.

Sensorineural Hearing Loss

The second type of hearing loss is called sensorineural hearing loss. This word can be divided into its two components - sensory and neural - to allow us more clarity in specifying the type of hearing loss. The comprehensive audiometric assessment and supplemental tests can yield the information needed to differentiate between a sensory and a neural hearing loss, although they can co-exist in the same ear. Neural hearing loss is another name for retrocochlear hearing loss.

Sensorineural hearing loss results from inner ear or auditory nerve dysfunction. The sensory component may be from damage to the organ of Corti or an inability of the hair cells to stimulate the nerves of hearing or a metabolic problem in the fluids of the inner ear. The neural or retrocochlear component can be the result of severe damage to the organ of Corti that causes the nerves of hearing to degenerate or it can be an inability of the hearing nerves themselves to convey neurochemical information through the central auditory pathways.

The reason for sensorineural hearing loss sometimes cannot be determined, it does not typically respond favorably to medical treatment, and it is typically described as an irreversible, permanent condition. Like conductive hearing loss, sensorineural hearing loss reduces the intensity of sound, but it might also introduce an element of distortion into what is heard resulting in sounds being unclear even when they are loud enough. Once any medically treatable conditions have been ruled out, the treatment for sensorineural hearing loss is amplification through hearing aids.

Mixed Hearing Loss

A mixed hearing loss can be thought of as a sensorineural hearing loss with a conductive component overlaying all or part of the audiometric range tested. So, in addition to some irreversible hearing loss caused by an inner ear or auditory nerve disorder, there is also a dysfunction of the middle ear mechanism that makes the hearing worse than the sensorineural loss alone. The conductive component may be amenable to medical treatment and reversal of the associated hearing loss, but the sensorineural component will most likely be permanent. Hearing aids can be beneficial for persons with a mixed hearing loss, but caution must be exercised by the hearing care professional and patient if the conductive component is due to an active ear infection.